For a long time I’ve been plodding along with no real idea of where life was taking me. Where I wanted to end up, what I wanted to end up doing , whether happy times would last or if I was being set up for failure and disappointment.
I’ve always wanted to be a mum but motherhood didn’t come as easily as i expected the first time around. Although I grew up a lot faster then my siblings ; saw things , did things they never will, I wasn’t as mature and grown up as I thought at eighteen. Neither was my partner not even in his twenty’s . We were both still very young and self centred. Looking after a life together was pretty much impossible back then. I was alone and without knowledge of how to raise a baby. My mother was the one who took the reins , taught me how to handle , raise and care for this little life I had created. After a few years of her help I was ready…
Yes years. My partner and myself struggled for a long time with our differences, our way of thinking and it got in the way of our parenting. It was clear we could not parent together back then, and I at eighteen could not parent alone. I was out of my depth. I’m not afraid to say that my little one probably wouldn’t of had the start in life he did if it wasn’t for his nan. I cared for my child as any mother would only along side my own mother who helped me to no end . After years of working on ourselves and learning to love eachother properly , learning how to appriciate life, eachother and the life we created together we were ready to parent and create a future for ourselves and child. We took back control with much approval from my mother and everyone else who has helped us. We were not incapable parents , we were not selfish and we were not the stereotypical couple who just didn’t have it in them to raise a child. We both needed work, mending, fixing and we managed to do this alongside raising and loving our child. My partner more so then myself. He had a lot to work on, but he did it. I’m not afraid to say I do take a bit of credit for the man he is today because he needed support, and I never once gave up on him. People had plenty to say, no belief that someone could change. That someone could overcome demons so large. I knew deep down he was capable and able and would prove them wrong.. and guess what . He did. I am so proud of both of us, and what we have accomplished. People have been made to eat their words. We are now everything I knew we would be , we just needed time.
In 16 weeks we will be welcoming our second child and we are on top of the world. Speaking for myself , after years of hating myself growing up, hurting myself and everyone around me. Raising hell in any which way I could as a teenager, leaving school with no qualifications, falling in with the wrong crowd. Being moved from pillar to post ; struggling to keep a job, and find money for my addictions, falling pregnant and hating every minute of my first pregnancy. A time which was supposed to be magical and beautiful , struggling to cope alone when my son was born , feeling like a failure that I couldn’t power through for him, or maintain a healthy relationship I can say I have come a long long way from who I used to be. I am now going to bed at night smiling , sleeping like a baby , waking up the happiest I’ve ever been. We made it. We are the people we were meant to be, we just needed fixing. Everyone needs help every now and again , it doesn’t mean they are less then or unworthy. It means they are human. We are all human, we make mistakes , we fall down, but when we choose to get back up , ask for help, try again , we are able to see the good that’s been buried, and who people really are. Everything happens for a reason. One way or another. After years and years of longing for happiness , a sense of calm , the feeling you get when a storm is over. I am feeling this feeling every minute of everyday now. And I wouldn’t give it up for the world. I welcome the struggles and the new and exciting times for our family.
We would like to personally thank my mother for all her hard work , understanding and patience with us , we are now three years on from the the people we were , looking forward to our first sons first day at full time school at the age of four , our second child and our seven year anniversary. This posting has been a personal one. But the bottom line is people can change, and the people that want to will. For the first time in my life I know what I want for my future, which way my life is heading and I’m no longer plodding through life with uncertainty. If I could bottle this feeling I would and I’d sell it to anyone who asked for it. The price would be ‘perseverance’ and the the promise to always try to get back up. Not matter how far you fall 💕