The end is near … 🦋

( 34 weeks & 2 days)

Hey! It’s been a while!

I have been so busy these past few weeks, the time is just flying past me! I have been meaning and meaning to sit down and write this for a while. But the days have turned into weeks and then months. So here’s a little catch up..

I am turning 35 weeks on Friday. Yes! 35! Can you believe it. Not even sure how many weeks I was when I made my last post but here we are.. in less then three weeks my little unborn baby will be classed as “full term” all ready and cooked for the big day! Crazy!  However, the lovely, happy, chilled, wonderful, at peace me is gone. Yep. She is gone, and probably won’t return until after the birth now..  Although I’m still very prepared and loving the pregnancy it has hit me the past week or so that my little one could arrive at any time and the house isn’t finished. I have been working my bum off to have everything absolutely perfect for him. At the moment most of our belongings are cramped in my oldest son’s playroom. So that room is out of bounds bless him. Until we have finished our bedroom and are able to move everything back into it. The walls have been plastered thank god. They were done last week as was the ceiling. I am now just in the middle of painting it, and glossing the skirting boards and windows.. once this is done we have carpet being delivered on Wednesday and hopefully laid this week. Then that room is finished! What a relief it will be to have our beds back. Weve been sleeping in the lounge on the floor for a week now, and getting up 5-6 times a night from a mattress on the floor 8 months pregnant to then climb 12 stairs to the bathroom is not easy!!! I am absolutely exhausted to say the least. But I’m powering through. Other things that still need doing are minor but would still make me happy to have done before baby is here.. finish painting the lounge and skirting boards , and paint the utility room. Then my little Oscar can come whenever ! At least the house will be ready..


So as you’ve probably gathered I’m exhausted and just a tiny panicky. Which doesn’t do me or my unborn any favours .. moving on to symptoms, I am having panic attacks. My “episodes” have turned into full blown panic attacks .. at first I thought it ridiculous. I’m not panicking about my baby coming ? I’m ready! I’m on the ball!!! I couldn’t understand why I was having them. But the past two weeks I’ve realised that my subconscious is panicking, and even though I didn’t think I was nervous, anxious, of panicked about the birth or having another baby in the House. It turns out I am. I’m not nervous about the birth as in the pain or the possible outcomes, my feelings have not changed about my baby and I am still so excited to have him in my arms and start this new chapter with my son’s and partner. But I am starting to think it might be because I’ve had him safe in my tummy all this time and I’ve had all the time in the world to enjoy him in there and not worry about him turning up for months .. to now have less then forty days until his due date is putting me in a panic. It’s starting to hit home that he won’t be in there much longer and he will come whenever he is ready. Not when I am. This frightens me. I didn’t think it would. But it does.

Other symptoms are my craving for ice is insane. I cannot get enough. I eat through 3-4 bags a week, with help from my son and partner who have now acquired a taste for my craving. . Can’t say I enjoy sharing it. Funnily enough when I feel like I’m going to have a panic attack ice is good and sometimes stops me having one or if I’m not quick enough then after the attack has passed ice is good for calming me down and putting my mind at ease again. It’s my god send at the moment. My tummy has dropped now, I think this happened around 30 weeks but now at 35 people are commenting on how low my bump is and they are right. He is very low down now. He’s moving so much also. This doesn’t help me and my panic attacks much. It’s not so much kicking or punching, it’s full body stretching , stretching his legs out, his arms, generally seeing how far he can stretch my tummy. He is also practice breathing ! Every now and again from 10 minutes to half an hour I will feel a rhythmic pulsating moving my tummy. It feels like a heartbeat , it makes me feel very sick and queezy. But this is him practicing his breathing for birth. It’s absolutely amazing to think about but not to amazing to feel. It really puts me on edge and I feel so sick when it happens. I think I’ve covered all the symptoms as of late… Exhausted, panic attacks, tummy has dropped, and he’s practicing breathing. . all milestones for the last trimester and meaning there’s not long left. Deep breaths!!

I do need to relax and take it easy , enjoy these last few weeks with him in my tummy all safe, and enjoy my oldest son and the rest of his summer holidays before he goes into school full time in September. But I need to have this house finished. I cannot physically or mentally relax until it’s done. I’m nearly there! By Friday it will all be done and I can relax. I know the more I panic the more chance there is of him turning up early and I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to getting myself wound up and panicked. I need to chill! I need Ice! On a plus side and a more prepared note. Both my hospital bag and Oscars changing bag are now packed all ready for hospital, I’ve completed every list and ticked every box for stuff to get him or stuff I needed . So there is absolutely nothing left to buy at all. Which does put my mind at ease knowing he has everything he needs. I just need the house put back to normal. I feel like everything is upside down at the moment, I can’t find anything with it all being skattered around the playroom. You can’t get into it, and if you do manage to you won’t find your way out an easy task.

My son cannot wait to meet his brother now. In the beginning it wasn’t spoke of much. But I have noticed his curiosity and interest in his little brother increase dramatically over the past few weeks. He cuddles my tummy, he kisses it, he talks to his brother , sings to him, talks to me about him, asks me questions about him .. “how big is he?” , “what does he look like?” , “How many days until I can see him?” He is absolutely smitten with the thought of having a brother and it warms my heart so much. He is so ready for a little companion. A little friend. Someone to teach and love and look after. I cannot stop thinking about the day I bring him home , and he lays eyes on him for the first time. What will he think? What will be going through his little mind the very moment he looks into his baby brothers eyes. It’s a moment I’ve dreamt about for a long time and in less then 40 days it will become a reality. It is going to be a big change for us all, especially my oldest son. With starting school full time just before his brothers arrival he is going to be exhausted and out of sorts I know. But I plan on making it as easy, relaxed and enjoyable as possible for him. Going from three days a week at school to five is going to be a massive leap, plus the adjustment of having a baby in the house. I just don’t want to take my eye off the ball and forget about Ollie. I know I won’t and this is me panicking again but I just need Ollie to know he means as much as Oscar and make sure I am there for him as much as our newest addition. Im being silly. Everything will be fine.

On that note before I start panicking to much and need to run for ice, I will sign off for another week, month, whatever .. I plan to write one or two more posts before the birth but depending on when my little one decides to come. This may be the last who knows. I will publish my next post around 37 weeks I should think. Give myself two and a bit weeks to sort this house and get my worries under control then I’ll sit down and write. Hopefully in my next post I will be writing I’m sat in my bed in my new room, with all our belongings back in there actual places, the house is restored , and my anxiety has gone! Fingers crossed



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