Birth and beyond 🌱

( labour and going home )

Welcome. Welcome to the start of my birth and beyond posts. My pregnancy blogs are at an end, and I must admit it’s been nice to have a break from the writing and the posting. But now I feel like it’s the right time to jot down a few feelings, emotions and experiences during the first few weeks of this new chapter myself and my family are embarking on.

The birth

After leaving it to eight days overdue I was beginning to get very emotional, distressed and fed up to say the least. So I decided to be induced. A decision I don’t regret in the slightest. As I made my way to the hospital on October the 11th I was very nervous and a little sad. I was excited and ready to meet my baby but i definitely had a feeling of sadness hanging over me. Maybe because I knew this would be the last day with my little one inside my tummy? The last day it would just be Ollie Aaron and myself before we were no longer a family of three? The last day I would have my beautiful bump? I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. But the feeling was overwhelming. I arrived at the hospital, checked in and things progressed very quickly. I was shown to my bed on a ward with three other ladies who had already been induced and were waiting for their contractions to get stronger before they could be shown to the delivery ward. It was around 11:00am and I had just been given the Dinoprostone which looks like a very small tampon with a long string. It has medicine on it to help start off labour . About thirty minutes after having this it was full steam ahead. My contractions came on very fast and were very strong. I was checked at 11am before the dinoprostone for dilation and I was 2cm. I was then checked 30 minutes after I had been given the drug and I was 4cm.. so things were moving pretty fast. I left the ward before any of the other ladies. Good news for me. But they looked and sounded very frustrated.

I was took to a delivery room. I had initially wanted a water birth and to be in the birthing unit. But due to being on a monitor the day before because of reduced movements they wanted me to be monitored alot and couldn’t do that in water. I was very pissed off to say the least. However they did tell me I could refuse and demand to be in the birthing unit and I could still have my water birth but seeing as I was already having very strong contractions coming every 2-3 minutes I could not be bothered to mess around and chose to stay in the delivery ward. I didn’t want to be stuck to a monitor throughout the whole thing though so I refused that with a midwife checking me and baby every 15 minutes anyway to check everything was grand. With my first baby I had the epidural and gas and air and didn’t really feel any pain or get to experience alot .. so this time I was adamant I was not going to have the epidural and I would go as far as I could go without gas and air. I wanted to feel everything! I wanted to feel all the pain, I wanted to be completely consumed with the experience and didn’t want to numb out a minute of it. I wanted to experience it all. However painful it may be. I was so ready for it all. About an hour and a half- two hours into labour I started using the gas and air. My contractions were seconds apart at times and I wasnt getting a break .. I could barley breathe. The midwives ruptured my waters for me to move things along. After my waters went it was very quick. The pain of the contractions were unbelievable. It makes me feel sick when I try and remember just how painful it was. I’ve never ever felt pain like it. It felt like my body was being torn apart. Like I had rope tied to both my wrists and I was being stretched and being born in two. It was a truly unbelievable pain. It got so bad I decided I wanted the epidural after all. So they called for a doctor who came in to try and assist me. My contractions however were far to intense and I could not keep still. I was rolling around the bed like a mad woman and it was impossible for the lady to give me the epidural in this state. I would have to be extremely still to have it and I could not keep still with the contractions. By this point I had a monitor on baby’s head so they could keep an eye on his heartbeat but while in the middle of a very strong contraction the monitor came off and they lost the heart beat. I was told to lie down on the bed while they tried to get it back on, but they didn’t have time. I was pushing. I couldn’t not push , I can’t explain it. I was in great great pain and within a minute of being told to lie down he was here. Without the epidural I managed to give birth. I was the proudest ive ever been of myself . The pain. The stress. The fear. All of it in those last moments when I was trying to labour my son , four midwives all trying to talk to me , shouting telling me to push! my mum beside my holding my hand shouting the same , my partner stood beside me.. all of the rush in the room and I couldn’t hear any of it. It was all silence. All I could feel was the absolute pain of my body being ripped apart, the pain was so loud physically that I couldn’t hear or feel anything else. Until I heard his cry. My boy was crying. My boy was here. I’d done it. The pain faded and then was gone completely. My son was on my chest and all I could see was his dark hair . All that hair! Dark black soft hair on his head, his eyes closed and his legs kicking. I couldn’t believe it was over. After a bit they weighed him , “my goodness” the midwife said as she turned around passing him to me “this little one is 9lbs 12oz” I was in complete shock. My partner and I just started at eachother and laughed. Nearly 10lbs!! My first son was 7lbs 5oz .. this little chunk was almost 10!!! Needless to say I felt like a god damn wonder woman . And I came out of it with no stitches ! I was completely fine, no stiches needed , all in tact . Amazing! My little man was born at 4:43pm, just under six hours labour .. I was high on life. We stayed in the hospital another night just to keep an eye on my baby. His delivery was so quick, he came out quite bruised on his face. He was purple when he arrived! Looked like a beetroot baby bless him. But he was here and he was healthy and I had made him. My long awaited joy was finally in my arms and nothing else mattered.

Home

The next day we had a few checks done, and we were eager to get home. We left the hospital about 4pm the next day and as I put his car seat in the car I suddenly felt sick. I felt scared about taking him home. Not scared of looking after him or being incapable just scarred that this was it. It’s all changed and this is the start of something new. The ride home I cried and cried. I was so nervous I could of thrown up. We pulled up to the house and I felt even more sick. This huge responsibility to look after this little precious life was all down to us .. was the house ready? Were we ready? Would Ollie be ready? All questions rushing around my head as I approached my front door. But once we stepped over the threshold the fear went. I felt calm, content. We were home and everything was going to be fine.

Ollie met his brother that evening .. the smile on his face and the light in his eyes is a memory I’ll never forget. His eyes could not of been more open, they were the widest id ever seen them, trying to take in every little bit of his new brother. Studying every bit of his face. This was the moment I’d been waiting for the most and what a moment it was.

So after being over prepared for an early arrival my little Oscar John Irish Harvey was eight days over.. but more beautiful then I could of ever imagined. All the waiting , the longing , the planning of this little life was over . He is here. In my arms. At home. Where I always pictured him. I’m still utterly taken back by the magic of it all. To have spent months considering having another baby to being utterly sure , to then planning and trying for six months, waking to a period month after month , the tears I cried , the ache in my chest , the longing for a baby.. to seeing the two lines on a stick , the nine months growing him and now he’s here. Looking into his eyes as he stares at me taking the world in knowing I litreally planned his life out bit by bit and made him happen is a whole other type of magic 🌱

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